you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
