I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
