I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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