She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
