It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
me + whiskey = a bad person
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
