you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
