the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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