then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
3 2 1 whiskey
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
