Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My balls are so social today.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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