I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
