Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
