Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
