Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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