i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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