You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
