Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
