I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
