I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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