I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
