I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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