toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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