weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
