So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
