i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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