when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
