no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
