He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
