Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
