I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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