I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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