Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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