Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
