I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
These tits shall not be calmed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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