he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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