I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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