Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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