I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
