I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
