didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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