Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My life is pants optional.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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