Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
