I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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