Only a mothe r could love this liver
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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