spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
