Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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