And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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