After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
