She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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