Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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