I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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