Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
