This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
